Home on a Saturday Night (but it's ok... )

I am home with my mom on a Saturday night. No dinner parties, no drinks or coffee catch-up's with friends, no Will to hang out with (he's gone fishing).

No one is updating Facebook. Not many friends are sitting in front on MSN. Even our Chinese satellite TV stations decide to discriminate against people who has to stay home on a Saturday night (not interested in a Chinese beauty show nor a scary ghost movie).

Well if this happened to me 5 years ago I would have felt extremely sorry for myself. I would be wondering why I was not popular enough to have plans on a Saturday night. I hated the feeling of loneliness.

Loneliness is a strange thing. It's a feeling that is difficult to describe, except to say that it's that feeling you get each you come home to your own empty bedroom after a huge party or having been hanging out with a big group of people. It's also that feeling you get when you are in a big city, surrounded by people and many exciting things but you are not able to talk to anyone or do anything. It's that feeling you sometimes have even when you are physically close to people who supposedly love you, but at the same time feeling like you don't have anyone.

It is that huge black void in your heart which you feel can drown you, if you let it.

However loneliness has not been catching up with me for a while now. I think it might that I have been fairly busy and occupied, or that I am generally growing more content with life. Or perhaps, I have found people who truly love me and understand me. So rather, lately, even if I have to spend time by myself, I would choose to turn it into a nice melancholic encounter where I sit down by myself with a glass of wine and some nice music and let myself be inspired by the silence (and write on my blog, perhaps).

What a wonderful way to spend an evening.

Things I Like ...

I like big bags and I cannot lie ... Big bags are so versatile. They are suitable for so many occasions (with only the exception of formal functions) and if you're anything like me, they fit your wallet, phone, tissue, water bottle and even a client file or a laptop when required (and I wonder why my shoulders ache sometimes).

We have a couple that's just arrived. Check them out.

On weekend events

1. Green Tea Frost smoothie from Utopia. We went in initially wanting to buy bakery and snow (a drink made of shaved ice), but was recommended by the friendly employee to have a smoothie instead. We found the thick, milky green tea flavoured drink, mixed with sweet red bean, extremely refreshing on a hot day like this.

2. When Mom and Dad left home last night at 7:00 pm, they noticed that the alarm next door had gone off and the fence askew but the neighbours weren't home. We knocked on their door this morning to see if everything was ok - although not perfectly sure, they thought someone might have tried to break in. An RAC survey indicated that break-ins in WA are most likely to happen in the summer months - therefore people, please remember to lock up and stay safe during the hotter months.

3. This is the picture of my beloved white Vue bed and pillow sheet, now blotched with light pink patches:

Lessons learnt from this misfortune:
- Never mix white and red sheets (especially brand new ones) together when doing your laundry
- Never request your boyfriend / husband to do the laundry (without prior strict instructions and supervision)

On marriage

Few days ago, during family dinner, mom passed on the news that Ex-Boyfriend No. 2 (who happened to be the son of a family friend) and wife were expecting their first child. Well, how delightful. Congratulations to them!

At this point my brother turned to me and kindly reminded me that all my ex-es were now either hitched or expecting children – what about me? I refrained from flicking my chopstick-clasped soy sauce chicken at him (trust me when I say we share a loving brother-sister relationship).

I am now at that age where friends, colleagues, ex-schoolmates, ex-es, cousins, second cousins etc are getting married and having children. I started receiving wedding invitations since a few years ago and have not stopped receiving them. Moms from both sides have decided to start gushing at babies of strangers at supermarkets. Most people we know (even those whom we’ve only just met) feel it is perfectly ok to ask whether Will and I are married and if not, when.

Now, there used to be a time when I thought marriage was not such a big deal. It is like a contract that two people sign to pronounce to the world that they want to be together, but one which can be easily terminated if both sides are no longer happy with the conditions (through a procedure called “divorce”). As a young person having that perception of marriage somehow made the process seem more straightforward, more practical and less daunting.

However, as I grow older, and the closer I get to this state of life, my idea of the “Hollywood marriage” no longer stands. Marriage is more than just a contract at law; or a public announcement; or an excuse to put on a gorgeous white dress or to show off the “dream wedding”. It is an oath of life-long and unconditional love, devotion, commitment and loyalty between two people, and an oath which should be honoured (as you would recite at the altar) through life and death. It is a promise that I will never leave you, I will share all I have with you and you will never be lonely again – and is a promise which I am giving unconditionally because I trust that you will do the same for me.

Marriage is also hard work. If you can work 12 hours everyday over 6 months to help a client realise their objective of 10% improvement in bottom line in return for some contracted fees, how should that measure in terms of effort required for a contract to provide another person with love and happiness for the rest of his or her life in return for the same favour? The feelings between two people will probably never be the same as when they initially meet or marry, and you are bound to come across issues and differences the longer you have been together. The oath of marriage is a promise that you will work hard to resolve any issues that come between yourselves no matter how big or small (and they will come) and separation is not an option for consideration.

If a marriage can easily be denounced within a few years due to “irreconcilable differences” why get married in the first place?

Therefore to me marriage is indeed a big, if not huge decision. However I truly believe that when the time comes, it will be a beautiful state to be in as you will provided the assurance that you will always be loved and protected, that the long, difficult path of life will forever be shared between two people. Therefore although daunting, two people who are ready should not be afraid to take the step and make the commitment.

What it should not be, though, is a decision that is made just because everyone is doing so.

PS: If you are reading this, it is definitely, absolutely not a hint. Honest :)

Why am I blogging again?

By pure coincidence I was halfway writing this post when a friend asked me the same question - why am I blogging again?

4 years ago, as a university student, I started a blog which I terminated right before I commenced full-time work. Apart from wanting to ensure I was able to dedicate full time and attention to the job as a fresh graduate, the other reason for stopping was that I was beginning to question the purpose of blogging. Was it all just an excuse for extensive gossiping and whinging and an outlet for expressing my discontent with certain things in life? Was the content getting too personal to be on a public forum? I didn’t want to be associated with my ex-Blog as a working adult. I thought I was too getting too mature for that. So I stopped.

Now 4 years later, (assuming my level of maturity has increased - although you should never assume), I am again reunited with blogging. What is it about blogging that keeps luring me back?

For months now, I have started to wonder what it will be like if I am to be gone tomorrow? If I am to vanish forever from the face of this earth?

What will the living remember of me? What is there left in this world that would serve as a memoir of me apart from a few pictures and a couple of belongings here and there? Would those who knew me remember the character that I was? What about those who never get to know me? They would never know that I had once existed!

That thought scares me. The thought that the extent of my living is so miniscule in the scale of things that no one will remember in 10 years time and it actually does not matter. I felt like I had to start writing again, to start documenting aspects of my life, expressing my thoughts - to start making a mark (no matter how small) that will serve as evidence of my existence. I am not famous or great enough to have an autobiography written about me; nor am I talented or dedicated enough to write a book or sing songs. I can keep a diary, but that I will not be able to share with anyone else (not being Anne Frank).

Blogging not only allows me to express myself, but it also allows me to share them with those who care, those who share the same thoughts, or those who are merely interested. (And if Blogspot does not decide to get rid of inactive blogs my posts can also stay on the world wide web for many, many years to come). And quite the contrary from the reason I stopped blogging 4 years ago, I find that blogging allows me to occupy my mind on something else outside of work and exert some creativity, which is quite therapeutic.

Only that it will be different this time. Whinging and gossiping will be kept to a minimum. I would like to think that I have indeed matured over the last 4 years. I hope I will create posts that will help share experiences and ideas or otherwise provides a means of light but amusing reading.

Why don't we feel safe anymore?

Will was mugged the other night walking home from the bus stop.

There were a couple of them. He was asked for a dollar. As he reached into his pocket to grab his wallet, he was punched in the side of his face. He fell to the ground and his wallet was snatched from him.

Now this incident makes me angry on many levels. Angry that my boyfriend was physically attacked and stolen from. Angry that someone is being punished for trying to do good. Angry that these kids probably did not feel guilt and would never be brought to justice for their bad doing. And also angry that our right to feel safe around our own neighbourhood was robbed from us, forever.

We went to the doctor's afterward to get Will a check up. After being told of the story the security man nodded knowingly and commented "You're lucky that it was only a punch - it could've been worse".

What happened to "I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you"? When and how did our society become so accustomed to and tolerant of violence that we should feel lucky that it was not more than a punch? And who can we actually blame for this?

The kids who stole from Will, who probably stood very little chance of growing up any other way the moment they were born into an environment of crime and violence?

The policeman whom we reported to, and told us that they were other matters of "higher priorities" that they needed to attend to that night (as they said the last two times our house was broken into)?

My very benevolent boyfriend who told the policeman that he understood and only stood by while they did little about it?

Or even more perhaps, the government who is very aware of the issue of Aboriginal crime and is not more diligent in trying to counter it?

While they make up less than 3% of the population in Western Australia, Aboriginals commit 20% of the violent crime in the State (UWA crime research centre). We read about Aboriginals being over-represented in the prison system. It is glaringly obvious that there is a more systemic issue involved here. And what advancements are being made to rectify this issue?

Will this be rectified if we continue providing welfares and state housing for life? Will this be rectified if we put them into prison and release them a short time later with a high prospect of reoffending? What about better access to education? Better access to health and economic opportunities? Improved assimilation with society and to be treated just like the rest of the population?

I don't have answers to any of the above and I will not admit to knowing this anymore than anyone else does. But I do know that being continually tolerant and indifferent of violent behaviour will not solve anything. It will only promote it.

On the Rape of Nanking

There are a few things in life which can make you take a step back from the track of your fast-moving life and ... well, think. Ponder. Reflect on the purpose of life, the essence of humanity and all the other big, rhetorical questions.

This includes things like being involved in a near-death experience, the loss of a close friend or relative, the witnessing of a traumatic event unfolding, or the realisation of a traumatic event through the watching of a documentary or reading of a book. My recent reflection on the big questions stemmed from a book I have just read (and thankfully not one of the other former categories).

The Rape of Nanking (authored by Iris Chang, a reknowned American history writer of Chinese descent) is a non-fiction book that relived the terror of the events that unfolded during the Japanese invasion and occupation of China, and particularly Nanking, during World War II. As a Malaysian-Chinese descent myself, I have heard as a child of the stories and the types of torture inflicted by Japanese soldiers on war prisoners and civilans alike during this dark period both in China and Malaysia. Therefore a lot of the details in the book should not have surprised me.

But it did.

More than just surprised, it shocked me and haunted me with sleepless nights. Thinking that I knew something through hearsay, and being presented with written and pictorial evidence of the same event, are actually two very different things. To support her retelling of the event, Chang presented pages and pages of details and evidence on the Rape, which are taken from sources like letters, diaries and newspapers written during those times and interviews with witnesses who have survived the tragic event and also Japanese soldiers who have with their own hands carried out the Rape. Together, this evidence presented the unthinkable cruelty that was inflicted on the victims during the invasion which included murders and torture in the masses and countless occurences of rapes and forced prostitution.

Apart from the well-founded research, The Rape is also an extremely gripping book because it objectively told the story from 3 different perspectives - that from the perspective of the Japanese who carried out the Rape, that from the Chinese who were subject of the Rape and that from the foreigners who had made the courageous decision to stay back and help the Chinese during the invasion. The story-telling started from a time that is long before the invasion, describing the thousand-year-old Japanese system of strict social hierarchy and the chronology of events (from mid 1800's) that led to the psychology of the Japanese soldiers right before the invasion. The book closes with a chapter on events that are taking place decades after the Rape, on how the Japanese, the Chinese and the rest of the world are coming to grip with the atrocity.

For many days after, I ask myself the question of what I should be taking away from reading this book. Surely I, a Malaysian of Chinese descent who is now calling Australia home, should be taking something away from this. Well, after days of pondering, at the very least, I think it should be this two realisations:

Realisation of the extent of the atrocity that has happened, filling in a hole in the storybook of historical events, is a big step. Not letting others forget it, is the other big step. Human beings are known throughout history to be capable of inflicting utmost violence and pain to each other in the conquest of power, and this is probably unlikely to ever change - however, for those of us who do harbour hope for change for the better and for more peace in this violent world, realisation is crucial. As Chang said in her book, in George Santayana's words, Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.

Secondly I went to sleep the night after finishing the book, crying, not only for the pain that was suffered by the victims of Nanking half a century ago, but also in realisation of how fortunate I am to have my loved ones close to me, to have the ability to see them, touch them, talk to them and know that they are alright. For the many Chinese who suffered and perished during the dark period, many had to go through the agony of losing and not ever knowing what happened to husbands, wives, sons and daughters who were lost in the midst of the war; of waking up each day not knowing whether they would still be able to see their loved ones by the end of the day; of witnessing the torture, murder and rape of loved ones while being trapped in a web of helplessness. For all of these which I have never (and hopefully will never) had to go through, I am extremely grateful.

On my trip to South Korea

The popular opening question for me lately had been "How was your trip to Korea?". Questions about holidays are always good conversation openers. But if you're not careful you will never get the storyteller to stop!

So what do I think of Korea? ... I loved it!

While in South Korea we spent most of our time in the vibrant capital of Seoul and then a few days travelling out to other areas like Jeju Island and Suwon. Mountains, clear streams, yellowing autumn leaves, numerous restored ancient palaces, lots of pickled vegetables and barbeque meat, fresh and raw seafood, rice wine served from small pots, endless selection of shopping delights ranging from the very modest to the very extravagant (food, fashion, art, souvenirs and many many other types of stores) - there are so many aspects to love.

Seoul

The word that sums up my perception of Seoul is "abundance". With a city population that comprises half of the population of Australia (more than the the population of Australia if we take into account the metropolitan areas) it is no wonder that everything we came across in Seoul were in abundance. Shopping centres, restaurants, bars and clubs, cars, buses, subways, national parks - they are all built to accommodate a city that is known as one of the largest cities in the world.

However the notion does not stop at man-made facilities, Seoul also carries a landscape that is dotted with hills and mountains. With the Han River running through the middle of the city(separating the administrative district of the city from the financial district (Yeouido) and the rich-man district (Gangnam)), the mountaineous landscape serves a beautiful serene backdrop which balances out the congested number of buildings and high-rises. We were lucky enough to stay in an apartment in Yeouido that is a short walking distance from the Han River and the popular Hangang Park from where we can enjoy this luxurious view.

View from the Hangang Park

View from the tower of Namsan, the highest point in Seoul

The other treat which Seoul provides in numbers to tourists are its ancient palaces. As Seoul used to house the old Joseon Dynasty the city has its fair share of palaces - this includes the "Five Grand Palaces" which are comprised of Changdeokgung, Changyeounggung, Deoksugung, Gyeongbokgung and Gyeonghuigung . Despite the aggressive modernisation that has been happening to South Korea for the last few decades, the restoration and preservation of these palaces are outstanding. We visited 2 out of 5 palaces (one of which was Changdeokgung, a UNESCO World Heritage site) and were shown past residences of kings and queens, a beautiful ancient secret garden hidden behind the trees, sites which were burnt down by Japanese during the invasion, and sites which were used to film the popular Korean drama Dae Jang Geum.

Hordes of visitors rushing to witness the "Secret Garden"

A display of a King's parade at Gyeongbokgung

Food and shopping

And how can a blog on a travel destination be completed without mention of food and shopping? To me the main highlight and epitome of Korean food is the banchan (the side dishes). Koreans usually serve anywhere from 2-12 side dishes with each meal and this applied to most of the food places we went to including Chinese or Japanese restaurants. The banchan can be comprised of a few types of dishes ranging from various types of kimchee (preserved vegetables), tofu, pickled squids, salads and other greens and they usually filled me up halfway even before I started on a main meal!

Korean meals are generally healthy and popular dishes include various types of soups (daengjang chigae, kimchee chigae, altang, myeungtang), rice mixed up vegetables (bibimbap), raw fishes and meat cooked on hotstone. Another popular dish with the Koreans, albeit less healthy and is considered more as a variation of Chinese food, is the jjajangmyun, which is noodles mixed wholly in rich black bean paste sauce and usually eaten at the same time with tangsuyuk (pork mixed with sweet and sour sauce). All these dishes present their own appeal to me, but my favourite would have to be the samgyetang (whole spring chicken stuffed with glutinous rice, ginseng and dates and cooked in soup) which to me is not only extremely delightful in taste but also presents health benefits.

I'll let the pictures tell the story (from top to bottom): Samgyalpsal - thick layers of pork cooked on hotstone and eaten together with lettuce, kimchee and rice; the many varieties of seafood at the fish market where we can select fishes for immediate raw consumption; banchan; samgyetang.

And finally, without any pictures for illustration (because there is always something else apart from picture-snapping that I would rather be doing), is the shopping. To me there are mainly 3 types of shopping - the cheap-end market shopping (which is good for things that does not require durability e.g. souvenirs, accessories, fashion clothes that change like the seasons); mid-end shopping (which is good for the young working class of people and generally includes imported international brands like Zara) and high-end shopping (which is good for anyone with a lot of moo-lah to spend).
And Seoul provides a haven for all 3 types of shoppers.

I find myself spending a lot of time and revisiting the low-end and mid-end shopping areas. One of the reasons is that (again), the abundance of choices. In Dongdaemun alone you can find at least 5 buildings, all next to each other, each with 4-6 levels, stocked with clothings and fashion accessories. The other reason is that I find that at a marginally more expensive price (as opposed to like say, China or KL), the quality of the products tend to be better. And with South Korea being one of the leaders for the fashion scene in Asia, I found that I was thrown with an abundance of choices for good quality, well-designed clothings!

There was not a moment of boredom over the 2 weeks when we were visiting Seoul. Being a small city girl I cannot imagine living permanently in a place like Seoul which appears to present non-ending excitement but equally, I imagine, the potential to create a huge sense of loneliness to a foreigner - but for a short-term visit, I think Seoul has all the ingredients that will make a holiday memorable.