Home on a Saturday Night (but it's ok... )

I am home with my mom on a Saturday night. No dinner parties, no drinks or coffee catch-up's with friends, no Will to hang out with (he's gone fishing).

No one is updating Facebook. Not many friends are sitting in front on MSN. Even our Chinese satellite TV stations decide to discriminate against people who has to stay home on a Saturday night (not interested in a Chinese beauty show nor a scary ghost movie).

Well if this happened to me 5 years ago I would have felt extremely sorry for myself. I would be wondering why I was not popular enough to have plans on a Saturday night. I hated the feeling of loneliness.

Loneliness is a strange thing. It's a feeling that is difficult to describe, except to say that it's that feeling you get each you come home to your own empty bedroom after a huge party or having been hanging out with a big group of people. It's also that feeling you get when you are in a big city, surrounded by people and many exciting things but you are not able to talk to anyone or do anything. It's that feeling you sometimes have even when you are physically close to people who supposedly love you, but at the same time feeling like you don't have anyone.

It is that huge black void in your heart which you feel can drown you, if you let it.

However loneliness has not been catching up with me for a while now. I think it might that I have been fairly busy and occupied, or that I am generally growing more content with life. Or perhaps, I have found people who truly love me and understand me. So rather, lately, even if I have to spend time by myself, I would choose to turn it into a nice melancholic encounter where I sit down by myself with a glass of wine and some nice music and let myself be inspired by the silence (and write on my blog, perhaps).

What a wonderful way to spend an evening.